toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The beer is more important than you right now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
