his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
