I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cut my penus on the lid.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
