I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
