Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
