So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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