you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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