They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
