so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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