Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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