and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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