just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
