I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
