My liver just broke up with me...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
