what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
