I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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