When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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