Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
