Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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