she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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