You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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