Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
