hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
