that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
