How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
