i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
