I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
