I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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