Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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