I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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