there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
