Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
