The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
