maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
