last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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