If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
