You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
