I'm going to jail i love you
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
