The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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