Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
