I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
