I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
