i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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