You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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