I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
