Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
