Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
