Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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