they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
