it was like his penis was on wheels.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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