no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
