can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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