i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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