So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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