why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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