Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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