When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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