I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
