next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
