If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
