More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
