Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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