I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He passed out mid-signature
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
