At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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