Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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