so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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